I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize