3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
