how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize