just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
