when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
