im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
