Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
