I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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