glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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