He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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