I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
