yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
