If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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