I got chris browned last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
