you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize