at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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