Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
