Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
