garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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