hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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