we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
