Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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