Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
