I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
