im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
ttyl tear gas
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
