Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
