Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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