No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
