you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize