Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
