Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
