Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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