brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
