Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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