I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
