end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
