You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
