I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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