my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
