ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
