Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
