I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
