PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
