She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
