I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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