he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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