How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is the high leading the old right now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
