the new term for farting is butt boxing.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
