I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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