Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
