im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
