You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
