tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
