i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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