Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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