Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
