I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
