Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
