what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
