if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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