so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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