She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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