You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
