I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
