Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
