1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I smell stomach acid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
