Got a toothbrush?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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