Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
