So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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