just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
