there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
