I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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