its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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