my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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