i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
