on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
