i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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