I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
