I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
