Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
