Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
