So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
