I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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