We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
