I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
